让人笑掉下巴的庭审记录

西西

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters-who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Don't miss the last one.
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Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q: To a lady,So the date of conception (her baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
***
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
***
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
***
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
A: ok
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
***
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere and asking me some nonesense questions!



下列内容取自一本书，叫做《法庭的差错》，都是法庭上的真人说的真话，由法庭书记员一字不漏地记录下来的。庭审对话期间，书记员必须保持安静，是不许笑的，真遭罪！要特别注意最后一个对话。
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问：你的出生日期是什么？
答：7月15日。
问：哪一年？
答：每年
********
问：你的儿子多大了，就是和你一起生活的那个儿子？
答：不是38岁的那个就是35岁的那个，具体哪一个我忘了。
问：那他和你在一起生活有多长时间了？
答：45年了。
********
问：那天早上你丈夫起床后开口和你说的第一句话是什么？
答：他说：“我这是在哪儿呢，卡西？”
问：这句话怎么会让你不安呢？
答：我的名字是苏珊啊。
********
问：那么，医生，如果一个人是在睡觉期间死去的，他一定要等到第二天早上才能知道他已经死去了，这难道会错吗？
********
问：那个最小的儿子，也就是今年20岁的那一个，他到底有多大年纪？
********
问：他给你拍这张照片的当时，你是否在场？
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问（问某女士）：这么说你怀上（这个孩子）的日期就是8月8日了？
答：没错。
问：那么受孕的当时你在干什么呢？
********
问：她有三个孩子，对吗？
答：是的。
问：有几个男孩？
答：没有男孩。
问：那有没有女孩呢？
********
问：你的第一次婚姻是怎么结束的？
答：因为（另一半）去世了。
问：那么到底是哪一半去世才导致婚姻结束的呢？
********
问：你能说说那个人的样子吗？
答：中等个头，留着胡子。
问：那这个人是男的，还是女的呢？
********
问：医生，你做的尸体解剖工作有多少是在死人身上做的呢？
答：我所有的尸体解剖都是用死人做的呀。
********
问：今天你所有的回答都必须用口头，明白吗？
答：明白。
问：那好。你上的是哪一所学校？
答：口头。
********
问：你能回忆你是在什么时间进行尸检的吗？
答：尸体解剖大概是在晚上8点半左右开始的。
问：邓宁顿先生那时已经死亡了是吗？
答：没有，他就坐在手术台上，还弄不明白我为什么准备为他做尸体解剖。
********
问：医生，你做尸体解剖前，是否需要检查一下（尸体的）脉搏？
答：没有。
问：你给尸体量血压了吗？
答：没有。
问：你检查尸体还有呼吸吗？
答：没有。
问：你怎么就能这么肯定，医生？
答：因为死人的大脑已经装在我桌面上的大玻璃缸里面了呀。
问：那难道他就完全没有活着的可能吗？
答：啊，也许他还真有可能活着，并且正在某个地方当法官，正在问我一些混帐问题呢！


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xzj1155

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Green-grass

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